Today is Not Opposite Day


When I yell “STOP!” that does not mean run faster toward the road.

When I say “No hitting,” that does not mean give me another swat.

When I say “No throwing,” that does not mean give me a mischievous look and then slowly, carefully, throw it anyway, all the while watching my reaction with a big smile on your face, followed by a “Uh,” as if you didn’t know that was going to happen. Right.

When I say “No screaming,” that does not mean let out a small, quiet scream.

When I say “Watch out, don’t bump your head,” that does not mean walk up to the offending object and cautiously bonk your head.

To alleviate any confusion on your part, I now tell you what I do want you to do instead of using any confusing words like, “stop,” “hitting,” “throwing,” or “screaming.”

Now, instead of “No hitting,” I say, “Be gentle. Be nice.”

Instead of “No screaming,” I whisper, “We use quiet voices.”

Honestly, Monkey, I love that you’re testing. Because that means you’re thinking, and if you’re thinking, it must mean you’re smart. And with my larger-than-loud, err, life, personality I’d rather have you be a strong-willed tester, than a shy wall flower. Plus, think of how well-equipped I’m going to be compared to the parents of the “easy going” kids! Oh yes, their day will come. I am gleeful with anticipation. Muwahahahahahahaha (that is my best written interpretation of a sinister laugh – what can I say – Happy Halloween?)


2 responses »

  1. You had me at the title. What a fantastic post!

    (PS: Were you at my house this morning? Because if you added that a dog who rolled in doo-doo ran through the middle of the “We use quiet voices” speech, I’d be concerned that we were living the same life…)

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