No, I’m not going to pick up the Kleenex I threw on the floor and put it in the garbage.
No, I’m not going to pick up the socks I threw out of my drawer last night and put them away.
No, I’m not going to let you change my clothes and my stinky diaper.
No, I’m not going to willingly brush my teeth.
No, I’m not going to put on my shoes or coat so that we can go to Nana’s house.
No, I’m not going to go into Nana’s house because I want to stay outside.
Yes, I am going to cry and squeal and whine incoherent things that you will not be able to comprehend, while also laying down on the floor or running away from you, every single time you ask me to do something I don’t want to — which is every time.
Maybe I’m doing this because my teeth hurt again, or because I didn’t sleep well because I have a cold for the third time in two months, or just because I feel like it. But you’ll never know, because I’m 1.5 years old.
My mom is wondering if my terrible two’s have just taken a turn from “Manageable” to “Off the Deep End,” whatever that means. She thought she had things pretty well figured out. Maybe some of you other moms can tell her if this is just a phase, or if it really does get worse. How am I supposed to know? Have I mentioned I’m 1.5 and can’t even say my own name?
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my mom is asking for patience for Christmas.