What’s that saying? Kids say “damnit” for the first time to your mother-in-law when you didn’t even realize it was something they were saying. No? Oh wait, guess that’s just my kid. Kids say the darndest things? Or, out of the mouths of babes? I think that’s it.
I’ve been jotting down things Monkey says since she started forming sentences. Because, well, I think it’s hysterical. And actually, she told me a story the other day and then said “That’s hysterical.” Which naturally, I thought was, you guessed it — hysterical. I’m easily amused.
When Monkey was approaching two she would see a lot of things and say, “I need to have it.”
For example, Husband was holding her while digging through the fridge. Pointing, she said, “What’s this?” Husband said, “A beer.” Monkey said, “I need a beer.” Oh. My. God. She’ll still whip out that phrase once in a while because she knows it elicits big laughs.
Prior to two years old, Monkey’s sentences were halting. There was a lot of:
- “I need a wipe.”
- “I need a taco.”
- “Open the door.”
- “I need lotion.”
Then she started to add in a few more words to her sentences, like:
- “Set the baby down.”
- “Naughty bird. Get off the window!”
And just like that, one day there were MORE WORDS.
“This one’s too hard. I don’t like it.” (regarding how crunchy a French fry was)
Husband and I just looked at each other, like “Wha …?? Did she just say that!??
And then there was the hilarious, “I love my brother.” Husband: “You don’t have a brother.” Monkey: “I DON’T???”
Now that she’s almost two and a half, Monkey is really stringing the words together. Last week when I was changing my clothes she said, “Mama, put your shirt on so you’re not so naked.” Sure thing, Monkey. I’ll get right on that.
Here are my favorite Monkey quotes around a few themes.
Favorite defiant statements:
- “Whatever, Mama.”
- Me: “Do you need to go to your room to calm down?” Monkey: “No way!”
- Me: “I don’t think so.” Monkey: “I fink so.” (shaking head emphatically)
- Me: “We need to brush your teeth.” Monkey: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Favorite delay of bedtime-related statements:
- “Mama! I need heeeelp. I need a hug again. I’m awake! I’m awaaaake. I’M AWAKE.”
- “Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mom-my. Mom-my. MOMMY! Mom! Mother! Mother!
- “I need help. I need a hug again. I need a kiss again. POTTY, POTTY, POTTY, POTTY!”
- “Daddy said go night night. Night night!” (to herself)
- Monkey: “I’m tired.” Husband: “So does that mean you’re going to go to bed without a problem tonight?” Monkey: “No. I’m a problem.”
Favorite potty-related statements:
- “I went potty, Mama. I get an M&M again. I do. Yep. Yeppers.”
- “Leave. Go away. Close the door. Go feed the baby.” (when she wants her privacy to go number two)
- “Mama, don’t forget to hold me on.” (when we use a public toilet without her potty seat insert)
Favorite driving-related statements:
- “Mama, don’t do that again.” (because I swerved to miss an animal)
- “Mama, I don’t like that (when I beeped my horn at someone)
- “Where are your legs? I want to see them.”
- “I want to sit with you.” (while I’m driving)
- “Daddy, be careful.” (when he passed someone)
- “I want to go faster.”
Favorite random statements:
- “I love boys.”
- “Jen! Jeeeenn. I call Mama Jen all the time. Funny, funny.” (sighs and shakes head knowingly)
- “I can’t shake my bon bon right now. It’s too hard in the car seat.”
- “Mama, I’m going to put on your shoes and walk around and be silly. I’m funny.”
- I want to go to Qdoba to eat.
Favorite curse word instances: (thankfully, these are few and far between)
- “DAMNIT! DAMNIT! (followed by frustrated shrieking — she was supposed to be sleeping, but instead was trying to re-dress her doll, unsuccessfully)
- “F&ckin’ leg.” (her baby’s leg was stuck)
My oldest daughter and her evolving use of language brings me joy.