For Christmas 2009 Monkey received this Fisher Price Baby Knows doll from another little girl her Nana watches.
Isn’t she pretty?
This is what she looks like now.
Most people in our family are quite familiar with Monkey’s “doll hair baby.” That’s what she calls her. Or, at least that’s what she did call her until Bean was born. Then the doll’s name became “Bean,” too.
Our family and friends are quite familiar with the doll because Monkey takes her EV-ERY-WHERE.
Trips to the grocery store, the Y, doctor’s appointments, church, play dates. Everywhere.
Her hair became so fashioned because that cute ponytail you see in the manufacturer’s picture? Yeah. Monkey pulled that out. We tried putting it back in the pony tail, but it just wouldn’t stay. Plus, Monkey kept pulling it out. So we just gave up and let her hair become … au naturale, as they say.
It kind of reminds me of Medusa or something.
The back is even worse.
It kind of reminds me of the bald spot Christian Bale shaved in the back of his head for his role in The Fighter. Except like 5,000 times worse.
In Fisher Price’s defense, they didn’t need to put hair on the back of the doll’s head because they had pulled it into a pony tail. Why waste money putting hair where it wasn’t needed?
Wait, I actually can answer that. Because it’s a doll for little kids.
But I digress.
Monkey’s “doll hair baby Bean” was getting to be a bit of an embarrassment. Because as I mentioned, she took it EV-ERY-WHERE.
Husband and I discussed this issue at great length and decided that Santa would have to bring Monkey a new baby for Christmas.
And he did!
Oh sweet, pretty, beautiful Audrey-Ann. Those perfectly-shaped ringlets that gently frame your face. It’s been a mere 33 days since Christmas, but it was only 5 days after Christmas that your hair ALSO started to resemble the matted Medusa-head of the “Bean” baby doll.
Last week I decided something must be done. So I attempted to brush Audrey-Ann’s hair.
It took me AN HOUR.
And the hair’s texture was not the satin smoothness it appears to be in the picture. It was coarse and kind of gross feeling. In desperation I sprayed Audrey-Ann’s hair with some of the detangler that I use for Monkey’s hair. It helped a little.
The result was a little like Julia Roberts circa 1989.
I wish I would have taken a picture of the massive amounts of nasty doll hair that ended up in our bathroom garbage can. Yuck!
I then attempted to put a little gel in Audrey-Ann’s hair. I figured it couldn’t hurt. Alas, I still couldn’t get her hair to resemble its original glory, much less Julia Roberts circa 2009.
I decided a pony tail was the only thing we could do for Audrey-Ann. But now she just kind of reminds me of Dolly Parton with a pony tail.
The irony of all ironies though, was this tag I found on Audrey-Ann’s body that says:
“Please take extra special care of doll’s hair. Comb it through on a regular basis to keep it from getting tangled or matted. Avoid washing. Rinse with mild shampoo only if necessary and drip dry. NEVER use a blow dryer. The use of a wire brush is highly recommended.”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No, I am absolutely not kidding you. That’s exactly what it says. And I would have taken a picture of that too, except the words were so small that the camera couldn’t focus on them.
Is this it? Is this the end of the road? Is there anything to be done, or is Audrey-Ann destined to suffer the same fate as “doll hair baby Bean?”
How on earth are you supposed to care for a doll’s hair? Monkey is OBSESSED with her “babies”, so I know I’m in for a lifetime of caring for them. I need some tips, people!