Adventures in Bathroomland


Me (calling to Monkey in the bathroom): “Monkey? Do you need help?”

Monkey: “I’ll be right out.”

Me: “What were you doing in the bathroom so long?”

Monkey (pauses): “I was cleaning the toilet.”

Me: “Oh.” (pondering this). “What did you clean it with?”

Monkey: “I don’t know.”

Me: “What do you mean you don’t know? What did you use to clean the toilet?”

Monkey: “I just don’t know.”

Me: “Monkey, what did you use to clean the toilet? If you were just cleaning it, what did you use to clean it?”

Monkey: “I just don’t know.”

Me (putting down the head of cauliflower, looking right at her face, and speaking very slowly): “Monkey, WHAT, did you use, to clean the toilet?”

Monkey (stares back at me, says nothing)

Me (rinses hands): “Come with me to the bathroom.”

(We walk into the bathroom. Upon entering I notice a perfumey scent but the toilet looks normal)

Me: “Show me what you used in here to clean the toilet.”

Monkey: “This, mommy.” (pointing to her hair and body wash).

Me: “Mmm.” (pauses, thinking) “And what did you do with it.”

Monkey: “Mommy, I just squirted it on the toilet.”

(I bend down and examine the toilet seat. Upon further inspection I notice that it’s glistening.)

Me: “Uh huh. And then what did you do.”

Monkey: “I just used my hands like this.” (she uses both hands and vigorously rubs them up and down on the toilet seat to demonstrate how she cleaned it)

Me: “Okay, that’s enough. Now we’re really going to clean the toilet. Follow me.”

(We walk into the kitchen where I grab the paper towel and bottle of Fantastik)

Me: “This is the cleaner we use for the toilet. Only grown-ups spray it.”

Monkey: “Okay, mommy. And then I can use the paper towel to wipe it?”

Me: “Sure. And, we only use your shampoo and body wash to clean you. Not the toilet or anything else.”

Monkey: “Okay, mommy. I’ll never, ever, ever do that again.” (walks out of the bathroom and sees her daddy) “Daddy, I’ll never, ever, ever, do that again.”

Maybe when she’s 10 I’ll remind her of how excited she was to clean the bathroom.


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