One More Time, With Feeling

So … I guess I never officially updated everyone regarding the outcome of Bean’s tear duct probe in April. It didn’t work. Gah.

The local ophthalmologist advised that we should see 100% improvement in three weeks. I was supposed to call him if things hadn’t completely resolved, at which point he would refer us to a pediatric ophthalmologist at Children’s Hospital. I think I waited like seven weeks before calling. I was really, really, really hoping that she would just magically wake up one day and it would have worked.

So what happened, right? Well, the local ophthalmologist, Dr. H., advised us the morning of the surgery that if the probe “got stuck,” meaning he got to a point where he couldn’t pass it all the way through, that he would stop. He didn’t feel comfortable trying to push it through. That sounded reasonable.

Well, that’s what happened. He got about 75% of the way through and stopped. Not being able to pass the probe completely through dropped the success rate down closer to 50%. Double gah.

In June we moved on to a consult with Dr. R, a pediatric ophthalmologist at Children’s Hospital. This man has a wonderful reputation for being extremely skilled. He and his associate are also in great demand, which is why I waited 45 minutes after my appointment time to see him, and then the appointment lasted about an hour longer than it was supposed to. They failed to tell me that they would have to dilate Bean’s eyes (AGAIN. THIS WAS THE THIRD TIME!), which takes 30 minutes to take effect. Oh for the love. And why they don’t have toys for the children to play with, in the waiting room at a Children’s Hospital clinic, is beyond me. It was a really long appointment.

Basically, I advised Dr. R that while I had seen some improvement, the issue was definitely not completely resolved. He thought it seemed reasonable to give it a couple more months to see if it would continue to improve on its own before scheduling the second surgery, which involves placing a silicone stent in her tear duct to keep it open. Dr. R said that sometimes as children age and grow, their face structure changes and these things can open up on their own.

So we waited three months. And nothing really changed.

I finally called in September to schedule the surgery when I realized that Bean had already met her deductible for the year and was only $1,300 away from meeting her out of pocket max, and there ain’t no way that surgery is costing less than that. Suddenly I was in a mad dash to get that sh*t taken care of before Dec. 31, 2011. Plus, guess who gets sick in the fall? EVERYONE. Especially kids. Especially kids who have older siblings who are now IN SCHOOL.

And they don’t let you have an elective surgery, with anesthesia, when you’re sick. Something about your lungs and making it harder to breathe and ending up with pneumonia and OMG don’t even mention anesthesia and fever in the same sentence. It’s grave. Very grave. It involves serious and grave things like dying.

So I call in September and Dr. R only does surgeries on Tuesdays which put us at …. oh … November 22. Seriously. Prime sick time, and leaving basically no time to reschedule before the end of the year if Bean happened to get sick. I told Dr. R’s LOVELY assistant L, that if there were any cancellations to PLEASE CALL US and that we would DROP EVERYTHING to make it work.

She called Tuesday. WHOO POO! Bean is scheduled for next week Tuesday, November 1.

After I accepted the new, earlier date on Tuesday, Bean woke up with a gunky nose and a slight cough on Wednesday. My instructions for surgery said to call to reschedule if they developed any sickness, including a cold.

I just looked up and said, “You’ve gotta be joking, right?”

But I called L and she said as long as she doesn’t have a junky cough (meaning in the lungs) or fever, it would be fine. “These anesthesiologists don’t even think twice about a cold.”

So Bean had her pre-op physical yesterday and her pediatrician concurred that she was perfectly fit for surgery, and that if anything came up I could bring her back in Monday for one last check.

So I am praying that Bean stays status quo (NO FEVERS) until Tuesday morning at 6:30 a.m. when we have to be at the surgery center, very far away from our house. It’s gonna be an early morning, folks.

Because, seriously, you know they already gave away that November 22 date, right? So if for some reason she does end up getting really sick we’re totally screwed in terms of rescheduling it yet this year. (You might be thinking that I’m overreacting a bit to the whole rescheduling because of being sick thing, but we did actually have to reschedule Bean’s initial tear duct probe because she got sick.)

Not to mention we had to practically move heaven and earth for Husband to get the day off of work to come with us, and Monkey has to spend the night at her Nana and Grandpa’s house on Monday night, and her Mimi (my mom) has to pick her up from school on the Wednesday after Bean’s surgery when I have to truck back down to the clinic for her post-op follow-up appointment. It’s these moments where I really feel for my friends who have to regularly move heaven and earth to accommodate frequent trips to Children’s.

In retrospect I wish I would have asked more questions of the local ophthalmologist, Dr. H. about the steps for Bean’s treatment.

I was under the impression that if a probe didn’t work and we would have to move to placing this stent, that we would also have to schedule a follow-up surgery to remove the stent. As it turns out, likely not. Dr. R said that he usually just pulls the stent out of the patient’s nose in his office at a follow-up appointment. So no second procedure (=anesthesia) required.

Also, what Dr. R usually does, and what he’s planning to do with Bean, is try the probe first. Unlike Dr. H, who is not a pediatric ophthalmologist, Dr. R does feel comfortable “pushing it,” and may be able to get the duct to open, and no stent would be required.

However, if he can’t, he’ll just go ahead and place the stent. So basically, Dr. R could have done what Dr. H did, except better, plus he’s capable of performing the second procedure, whereas Dr. H isn’t (at least with a kid). So if we had asked for the referral to Children’s right away, Bean would only have had to undergo anesthesia once, and we would have only had to pay for one surgery.

Ugh.

I really wish we would have just asked for the referral right away. Which is nothing against Dr. H — I really like him and he was super nice — I just think that if given the option of choosing a “pediatric” provider again, we’ll probably just do it because it likely will save us time and money in the long run.

Live and learn.

On the upside, I’m not nearly as apprehensive about the procedure this time based on how absolutely uneventful her initial procedure was. It was almost like a joke how fast it went. They took her back for surgery at 7:30 a .m. and within 10 minutes the doctor was coming out to tell us how it went. We were home by 8:20 a.m. No joke.

Overall, Bean handled it beautifully. Before they took her from us the nurse gave her Versed, which is like an amnesic drug that relaxes you and makes you a little loopy. The nurse said that she wouldn’t remember being separated from us (so no screaming and crying as they took her away, as I had envisioned). And when the anesthesiologist came to carry her (not wheel her away strapped down), she didn’t cry one bit. I guess she did wake up crying and wouldn’t let any of the (female) nurses hold her. She only allowed the (male) anesthesiologist to hold her, which all the nurses thought was wildly funny. By the time we got to her, she really wasn’t crying at all anymore. She was perfectly fine the rest of the day and since Husband had off of work we picked up Monkey, went out to lunch and went to the park!

I’m hoping that next Tuesday goes similarly.

So … that’s the scoop. I’m extremely grateful to anyone who might take a moment to send up a quick prayer that Bean stays healthy for her surgery, and that it goes well, and that it works!

WHOO POO!

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG.

GUESS WHAT!??

Kohl’s Department Store has the book “On the Night You Were Born” by Nancy Tillman on sale for $5 as part of their Kohl’s Cares for Kids program!!!!

Can you believe it!?? The book normally retails for $11!

WHOO POO!!!

This is my absolute favorite children’s book in case you haven’t read the “About” section or gathered from the name of my blog. For me, the story so accurately captures the uniqueness and wonderment of each child, and how each child is so individually special and changes your life so profoundly. According to Nancy’s web site, she created “On the Night You Were Born” to convey to children at an early and impressionable age, “You are the one and only ever you.”

Not to mention her illustrations are sublime.

I could recite the book to you because I know it by heart.

The opening page reads:

“On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, “Life will never be the same.” Because there had never been anyone like you … ever in the world.

Love. ♥

Kohl’s also is selling “It’s Time to Sleep My Love” which I have and is another lovely bedtime book, as well as two new titles that I’m not familiar with — “Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You,” and “The Spirit of Christmas.”

OTNYWB is one of my favorite baby shower gifts — actually it’s one of my favorite gifts for kids in general. I’ve even given copies to kids who are 5 and 6 years old. Needless to say, I bought three copies of it and one of each of the new ones (for us!)

I seriously almost crapped my pants when I walked into the store and saw that they were selling these books. I’m planning to go back and get more. They’re also selling plush animals that accompany the books.

Since there’s a Christmas title my guess is that this is the line of books that Kohl’s will sell through the holiday season, but I guarantee you they will not still be in stock at Christmastime. As I was checking out and gushing to the cashier about how much I loved the books she remarked that everyone had been buzzing about them. She also probably thought I was psycho for taking pictures of a book display with my camera phone.

If you want one of these books for only $5, you must go now. They’ll be gone by Christmas.

RUN. GET AS MANY AS YOU CAN. They make fantastic gifts. Just don’t give any to the kids I’m giving them to, okay?

WHOO POO!!!

Oh. right. About “Whoo Poo.”

Well, let me just tell you. Last May I was online shopping for a gift that my cousin, a friend and I were buying together:

From: Jennifer Novotny
Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 1:55 PM
To: A
Cc: S
Subject: RE: order babybeat from babybeat

The total was $23.75 each. I found a 5% off online coupon (WHOOPOO, don’t give too much away!), and there wasn’t any tax or shipping.

Thank you both for doing this with me!

 

From: A
Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 3:37 PM
To: Jennifer Novotny
Subject: RE: order babybeat from babybeat

check’s [almost] in the mail 🙂

 

From: Jennifer Novotny
Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 3:49 PM
To: A
Subject: RE: order babybeat from babybeat

I just re-read my email and I have no idea what “WHOOPOO” means. OMG, I am laughing so hard right now … tears … I meant “whoopee.” OMG. I’m dying.

 

From: A
Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 4:44 PM
To: Jennifer Novotny
Subject: RE: order babybeat from babybeat

lol – I was wondering what whoopoo meant. I thought it was just me not getting it as usual 🙂

 

From: Jennifer Novotny
Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 9:02 PM
To: A
Subject: RE: order babybeat from babybeat

I am still cracking up about the “WHOOPOO” line. I don’t know why, but I think it’s so hysterical that I wrote that!

It’s like a combination of “WHOOPEE” and “WHOOHOO.” I made up a new word!

*********

So there you have it. When something it’s awesome, it’s not “WHOOPEE” OR “WHOOHOO,” it’s “WHOO POO!”

GO GET THE BOOKS!

WHOO POO!

That’s How it Works, Right!?

Dear God,

As you’re aware, Husband and I are thinking of having a third baby. Every time we think, “Okay! We’re going for it!” one of our existing children acts so heinous in public that we think, “Clearly, we are not capable of this. Let’s sell them immediately.”

Just kidding.

So I was thinking, if you could just ensure that our third baby will be super mellow, laid back, and agreeable, that would be great. Because surely, you wouldn’t expect the same two people to raise a Monkey, a Bean, and an equally willful, determined, high energy third baby. That would just not be fair. Because I know people who have TWO super laid back, mellow kids already. I actually know those people. Okay, maybe just one person that I can think of with two of them (and her middle name starts with a “P” as in “Penelope.”). But anyway, I don’t think those people should get all the mellow babies, especially when they already have two. It’s just not equitable.

Oh, one more thing. So please make the potential third baby super mellow, laid back and agreeable, but also driven to succeed and not easily influenced by others. I mean, when the kid gets to school age I still want her/him to be a leader and not give in to peer pressure and other such nonsense. So maybe they could just be super mellow until they’re old enough to listen to me all the time, can reason and logic, and never be sassy; then they can have some of that drive and determination that Monkey and Bean have.

Again, I’d just like to make it clear that it would not be fair to give us a Monkey and a Bean, and a similarly-tempered child.

And I know you are very concerned about fairness and equality for all.

Right?

…

Oh. That’s not the way it works?

(sigh).

Just tell me what to do.

Overheard

I keep a running document of all the funny things Monkey has said. This is what she said when she was two. The following conversations took place in our house in 2011.

Monkey: “Mama, you’re not daddy’s wife.”

Me: “I’m not? What am I?”

Monkey: “You’re a mama.”

Me: “I know, but I’m not daddy’s mama.”

Husband: “Yaaaaaaay.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “Mom, where do sandwiches grow?”

Me: “Oh! Well, great question. Let me tell you.” (I then proceed to take her through the steps of how we plant wheat, it grows, we harvest it and use it to make bread. I also explain how tomatoes and lettuce grow, we get milk from cows, which we use to make cheese, and ham comes from a pig.)

Monkey: “Mom, where do cups grow?”

Me: “Cups don’t grow from anything honey. They’re made of plastic, which is a chemical.”

Monkey: “Mom, where do carrots grow?”

Me: “Carrots grow in the ground like lettuce and tomatoes.”

Monkey: “Mom, where does nice grow?”

Me: (thinking “Aww, what a sweet question.”) Looking at her sweetly I answer, “In your heart,” and then take a big drink of milk.

Monkey pauses, looking a little confused about how nice grows in her heart, although I thought my response was appropriate because it’s kind of an abstract thought. Meanwhile, Husband has a mouthful of sandwich and can’t speak. When I look up from my plate I notice he’s looking at me with furrowed eyebrows and kind of grunting and pointing at the table. I look down and see a knife.

OH! Where do KNIVES grow from?

I start laughing so hard that I’m snorting and choking on my milk. I can’t breathe. I get up from the table and run to the sink to spit out my milk.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Me: “Oh buckets.”

Monkey: (excitedly) “Mom! Bucket and fuck it rhyme!”

Me: “Umm, yep. They sure do. Let’s not say that to anyone else, okay?”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “The mama bird doesn’t like womans.”

Me: “What? Womans is not a word.”

Monkey: “Yes it is. The mama bird doesn’t like womans.”

Me: “You mean women? Women is the word we say when we mean more than one woman.”

Monkey: “No, not women. Womans.”

Me: “No, womans is not a word. (pauses) Wait, do you mean humans?”

Monkey: “YES! HUMANS!” (as if she’d been saying that all along.)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “Mimi you need to settle down.”

Mimi (my mom): “Why?

Monkey: “Because you’re acting like my mom — laughing and being loud.”

Later when I asked Monkey why Mimi was like me she said, “Because she was getting wound up.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “I’m going to sleep with my eyes open so I can see my dreams.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “You have marks on your belly.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s from you. Thanks a lot.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “Mom, when you were a boy you liked peppers and onions, right?”

Me: “Well, I was never a boy.”

Husband: “Thank goodness for that.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “I want a dog.”

Husband: “When you’re older.”

Monkey: “I’m older now! I want a dog when I’m older. And a brother!”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey (throwing open the door, walking in from the garage and shouting): “Where-is-my-MOTHER?”

Husband: “Oh yeah, she’s in rare form today.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “Bean, what did you give me? It’s my birthday today.”

Bean: (incoherent babbling)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “Daddy, where’s my right nose hole?”

Husband: “Nose hole? You mean nostril.”

Monkey: “Nostril?”

Husband: “Yeah, they’re nostrils.”

Monkey: “Daddy, do you have nose holes?”

Husband: “Yes, but they’re called  nostrils.”

Monkey (considers this): “Mommy has nostrils, daddy has nostrils, I have nostrils, Bean has nostrils (repeat for every single person she knows).

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey (holding up four fingers): “Mom, this is how old I am, right?”

Me: “No, that’s how old you’ll be on your next birthday.”

Monkey: “YEAH, and then I’ll be able to drive a CAR!”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “When Bean gets to be a big girl we can drive a car together!”

Me: “God help me.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “I didn’t hear that because I took my listening ears off.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “When I grow up, I’ll be able to carry a baby everywhere all by myself. I’ll be able to change diapers with Bean’s wipes. I’ll be able to open the gate and open doors. I’ll be able to do everything.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “When I grow up I’ll be able to drive a car, a truck, an airplane and a helicopter!”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “When I’m a mommy, I can get Bean out of her crib all by myself.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “Before I have a baby, I’ll have to get married, because I can’t have a baby without a daddy, right?

Me: “Ding, ding, ding, ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.”

Monkey: “At my wedding I’m going to have a flower girl. I wonder who it will be. Because it won’t be my kid.”

Me: “Nope. It sure won’t.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Monkey: “This is my baby. She was just born. She was just in my belly.”

Me: (quickly changing the subject so that she doesn’t start asking questions about THAT)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I can’t wait to see what Bean comes up with.