Maverick, Goose and Oscar

It turns out 1986 was a big year for me, and I didn’t even know it. I was 7.

To the best of my recollection, it’s the year that I saw my first-ever movie in the theater.

TOP GUN

"I feel the need ... the need for speed."

I know. You’re probably wondering what in the hell my parents were doing bringing a seven-year-old to see Top Gun when Maverick and Charlie are gettin’ a little, you know. Mmm hmm. BUT, it turns out that it was only rated PG (And duh, it’s not like they showed anything — it was 1986 after all).

I guess my dad liked the movie so much that he and my mom saw it in the theater by themselves, deemed it was appropriate, and then brought me the second time (it’s still undetermined if they brought my three-year-old brother). Honestly, they probably just couldn’t find a babysitter.

My parents also watched the movie numerous times on VHS tape (remember those! weren’t they quaint?).

You guys have to realize something. My parents have been to a movie theater so infrequently over the course of my lifetime, that the last movie they saw in the theater might have been Top Gun. So for them to see the movie multiple times in the theater, followed by 12 viewings on VHS, they must have really, really liked it, right??

When I asked my dad what he liked about the movie so much, he said, “I guess I thought it was a good movie.”

Yes, I think that much is obvious.

Knowing my dad, I’m sure what he loved was the action sequences, the fighter jets, the fact that the job was so intense that pilots like Cougar freaked out and quit, the loyalty between Maverick and Goose, and obviously that they used the word “bogeys.” I mean, that’s just a funny word.

My dad is a huge war movie buff, and you could say he has a need … a need, for speed. So this whole movie is right up his wheelhouse.

Speaking of classic movie lines, Top Gun also has given us the, “It’s classified. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” line, and the, “Take me to bed or lose me forever,” line.

I think I’m going to try to use this line in my daily dialogue: “Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash.”

I think it really gets the point across, don’t you?

And the flybys on the tower bit? That was pretty funny shit.

Of course, there’s the bar scene where Charlie has lost that lovin’ feeling. I actually liked that song and that scene so much that I played the VHS tape and used my first-ever tape recorder to record the song off the TV onto cassette tape. And then I would practice singing that song over, and over, and over again.

Oh, and we mustn’t forget the beach volleyball scene. I’m come to appreciate it more as I’ve aged. And now that I’m aged, I’m 100% convinced this scene was included so that all the girlfriends and wives wouldn’t complain about being dragged along to a movie about fighter jets and MiGs.

Plus there’s Tom Skerritt, whom I absolutely adore, Goosey-goose Anthony Edwards, a very young Meg Ryan and Tom Cruise in his prime Tom Cruise years. When he’s the most Tom Cruisiest.

Mmmm

Dang, this WAS a good movie. I’m going to need to watch it again soon. Good thing I upgraded my own VHS copy to DVD a few years back.

So, what EXACTLY, is my point with all this nostalgic movie nonsense? Um, well, the 83^rd Academy Awards happen to be Sunday night on ABC, starting at 7:30 p.m. CST (7:00 if you want to see some red carpet).

And I LOVE MOVIES.

Apparently it all started with Top Gun.

So, since I LOVE movies, I thought I would go ahead and make my 2011 Oscar predictions. Because I’m a dork like that. I’ll be hosting an Oscar viewing party for one, and heck, I may even use this printable ballot to see how I’m doing (cuz like I said, I’m a dork and I like to compete against myself).

For only the second year, the Academy is honoring 10 movies in the Best Picture category instead of the traditional 5. I think this was kind of a dumb move (can you say MONEY??), because really, Toy Story 3 was great and all, but nominating it for a Best Picture Oscar? Give me a break. But anyway, Husband and I managed to see 8 of the 10 Best Picture nominated movies (thank you Marcus Theaters $5 Spotlight movie club). And I have to say, this year’s nominated films, are IN-credible. Probably the best crop of movies in a looong time. Unlike so many other years when the films are stuffy and too art-housy (Gosford Park, anyone?), this year the films are relatable, contemporary, inspiring and gripping. They are flat out phenomenal. If there’s ever a year to see a nominated movie, this is it.

Incidentally, the only movies we didn’t see were 127 Hours, which I’d still like to see but isn’t in theaters anymore or On Demand yet, and Black Swan which I purposely didn’t want to see after hearing from friends that it’s a psychological minefield that haunts you for days afterward. Yuck. I don’t do well with those kinds of movies — I can’t sleep.

Now, on to my predictions! (my choices in bold — I stuck with the major categories)

Best Picture

• “Black Swan” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers
• “The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers
• “Inception” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers
• “The Kids Are All Right” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers
• “The King’s Speech” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
• “127 Hours” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers
• “The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceán Chaffin, Producers
• “Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson, Producer
• “True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
• “Winter’s Bone” Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers

As much as I would LOVE to see The Fighter win Best Picture, I think it’s going to go to The King’s Speech. It would be so poetic too — to see a movie about an underdog boxer take on and win over the movie about the ruling King. Alas, I don’t think it will happen. The good news is that both The Fighter and The King’s Speech were just phenomenal movies — as was The Social Network, which is widely considered to be the top contender against The King’s Speech to take home the Oscar for Best Picture.

Directing

• “Black Swan” Darren Aronofsky
• “The Fighter” David O. Russell
• “The King’s Speech” Tom Hooper
• “The Social Network” David Fincher
• “True Grit” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

Actor in a Leading Role

• Javier Bardem in “Biutiful”
• Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”
• Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network”
• Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech”
• James Franco in “127 Hours”

Actress in a Leading Role

• Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”
• Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole”
• Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone”
• Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”
• Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine”

Actor in a Supporting Role

• Christian Bale in “The Fighter”
• John Hawkes in “Winter’s Bone”
• Jeremy Renner in “The Town”
• Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right”
• Geoffrey Rush in “The King’s Speech”

Actress in a Supporting Role

• Amy Adams in “The Fighter”
• Helena Bonham Carter in “The King’s Speech”
• Melissa Leo in “The Fighter”
• Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit”
• Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom”

Animated Feature Film

• “How to Train Your Dragon” Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
• “The Illusionist” Sylvain Chomet
• “Toy Story 3” Lee Unkrich

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

• “127 Hours” Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
• “The Social Network” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
• “Toy Story 3” Screenplay by Michael Arndt; Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
• “True Grit” Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
• “Winter’s Bone” Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini

Writing (Original Screenplay)

• “Another Year” Written by Mike Leigh
• “The Fighter” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson;
  Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
• “Inception” Written by Christopher Nolan
• “The Kids Are All Right” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
• “The King’s Speech” Screenplay by David Seidler

Art Direction

• “Alice in Wonderland”
  Production Design: Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara
• “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1”
  Production Design: Stuart Craig; Set Decoration: Stephenie McMillan
• “Inception”
  Production Design: Guy Hendrix Dyas; Set Decoration: Larry Dias and Doug Mowat
• “The King’s Speech”
  Production Design: Eve Stewart; Set Decoration: Judy Farr
• “True Grit”
  Production Design: Jess Gonchor; Set Decoration: Nancy Haigh

Cinematography

• “Black Swan” Matthew Libatique
• “Inception” Wally Pfister
• “The King’s Speech” Danny Cohen
• “The Social Network” Jeff Cronenweth
• “True Grit” Roger Deakins

Costume Design

• “Alice in Wonderland” Colleen Atwood
• “I Am Love” Antonella Cannarozzi
• “The King’s Speech” Jenny Beavan
• “The Tempest” Sandy Powell
• “True Grit” Mary Zophres

Film Editing

• “Black Swan” Andrew Weisblum
• “The Fighter” Pamela Martin
• “The King’s Speech” Tariq Anwar
• “127 Hours” Jon Harris
• “The Social Network” Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter

Music (Original Score)

• “How to Train Your Dragon” John Powell
• “Inception” Hans Zimmer
• “The King’s Speech” Alexandre Desplat
• “127 Hours” A.R. Rahman
• “The Social Network” Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Music (Original Song)

• “Coming Home” from “Country Strong” Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges and Hillary Lindsey
• “I See the Light” from “Tangled” Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Glenn Slater
• “If I Rise” from “127 Hours” Music by A.R. Rahman Lyric by Dido and Rollo Armstrong
• “We Belong Together” from “Toy Story 3″ Music and Lyric by Randy Newman

Sound Editing

• “Inception” Richard King
• “Toy Story 3” Tom Myers and Michael Silvers
• “Tron: Legacy” Gwendolyn Yates Whittle and Addison Teague
• “True Grit” Skip Lievsay and Craig Berkey
• “Unstoppable” Mark P. Stoeckinger

Sound Mixing

• “Inception” Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo and Ed Novick
• “The King’s Speech” Paul Hamblin, Martin Jensen and John Midgley
• “Salt” Jeffrey J. Haboush, Greg P. Russell, Scott Millan and William Sarokin
• “The Social Network” Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick and Mark Weingarten
• “True Grit” Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter F. Kurland

Happy viewing!

What was the first movie you remember seeing in the movie theater? What movie has had the greatest impact on you? Do you watch the Oscars? Who do you think will win?

The One in Which I Prepare for Vacation

We booked our trip to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic on December 3. And since then, I haven’t really thought about it.

I haven’t been daydreaming about white sandy beaches, the hot sun, the warm ocean, the poolside drinks, and the luxurious time that Husband and I will have to catch up with one another. I don’t know why, but I just haven’t. In fact, even after “officially” booking the trip, after talking about it for more than two years, it didn’t seem real.

Before I could even think about vacation, there was the whole Christmas holiday to prepare and plan for. And then I focused my attention on getting through the month of January, since it’s my most hated month of the year — so dreary, cold and blah. Not to mention that I was busy planning Bean’s first birthday party, which was the first week of February. I told myself that after Bean’s birthday, I really had to focus on planning for vacation. I thought it would seem more real then.

Hello, we’re two weeks out!! The trip LITERALLY is upon us.

And I am sooooo not prepared. It still doesn’t even seem real to me, and I’m afraid it’s gonna get real in about two seconds. I’m a huge list-maker, and I need to seriously start writing down everything that I need to do before we leave for vacation.

I guess, chiefly, my main concern is missing the girls. They will be very well taken care of by my in-laws. The girls’ Nana watches them four days of the week and my in-law’s home is like their second home. They each have a bedroom where they nap, they have loveys and blankets that are for Nana’s house only, and there are enough toys, activities and books for a regular daycare. They’re so totally in the routine of eating and playing at Nana’s house so it’s not the routine, per se, that I’m worried about.

It’s just that … they always come home. And see us. I’m not sure how Monkey will handle it. In November I spent 3 nights and 4 days away from home with my two best friends in the world. Even though I explained to Monkey over and over again before I left that I was going to be gone for a few days visiting her aunties, and she totally seemed to get it, that first full day with her daddy when I wasn’t home at night, was terrible. Husband called me to say that Monkey was hysterical that I wasn’t home. She thought I would be home that night, even though we had told her that I would be gone for several days.

When she got on the phone with me she was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t make out any words. Which then resulted in me sobbing on the other end, trying to be calm and find words to console her. But that’s kinda hard when you’re super upset because you’re kid is super upset. It wasn’t good.

Thankfully, she was better the other 2.5 days. But honestly, while she was better, I was a mess by the end of the second day. It was really hard for me to be gone from them for that long — the longest I’d ever been away from Monkey was a weekend, and Bean, only one overnight.

Which brings us to this vacation. The vacation that Husband and I have been dreaming about taking since 2009. We haven’t taken a “real” vacation since December 2005. I feel incredibly lucky to be doing this — especially because I know some people don’t ever get to go on vacation.

I’m especially grateful for this trip because l think it’s important for Husband and I to reconnect on a spousal level — something more than just being mommy and daddy. It’s so easy to get caught up in thinking of your spouse as the other half of your parental partnership, that you forget that they have a role beyond that. And a strong mommy and daddy unit makes for a strong family unit.

So yes, I do think this trip is going to be a great thing and I’m very thankful for it.

I just need to get over the whole “missing my kids” thing. We’ll be gone for 7 nights and 8 days — YIKES! We opted not to book a five-night trip because it barely costs less, and because you spend two days traveling.

So can you help me? For those of you who have traveled without your kids, can you tell me what I need to have prepared for them? The two biggest things that have popped into my head are finalizing our wills, and leaving all the girls’ doctor’s information and emergency numbers for my in-laws. What else do I need to remember or plan for?

Do you have any tips for how to help the kids cope while we’re gone? I’m planning to print a calendar for Monkey so that every night she can cross off the days until we’ll be back. We’ve started talking to her about how she and Bean are going to stay at Nana’s house while daddy and I are gone on vacation. We’ve told her that we’ll be gone for several days, but not to worry because we’re coming back. Any other suggestions?

What about tips on how to enjoy time with Husband and not spend too much time missing or worrying about the kids (aside from copious amounts of alcohol, obviously).

I also need to figure out how the whole cell phone/Internet thing works while we’re there. I’m probably going to want to call at least a couple times and I think I’m just going to have to suck it up and deal with outrageous roaming charges. My in-laws don’t have a webcam, so we can’t Skype with them.

I can’t believe we’re leaving in 12 days!

Help!!

Have any of you left your young children for an adults-only vacation? Did you all survive? Any tips you have ON ANYTHING are greatly appreciated!

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

A couple of nights ago, while I was lotioning Monkey up after bath, we started chatting about Caillou, a character from a PBS kids television program that she loves, and watches at her Nana’s house. I’ve honestly never seen an episode, so I’m a little fascinated when Monkey can tell me all about the different characters. It amazes me (and scares me a little at the same time) how much she retains from the show.

Caillou with his cat Gilbert.

 

So we were talking about Caillou and how he has a sister named Rosie, and then she started telling me about Caillou’s friends and his friends’ siblings. She mentioned that one of Caillou’s friends has a brother and a sister.

That’s when things got interesting.

“But Caillou only has a sister, Rosie. Like me. I only have a sister, right mama?”

“That’s right, Monkey. You only have a sister,” I said.

“Some guys have a brother and a sister, but some guys only have a brother OR a sister, right mama? Like me. I only have a sister. I don’t have a brother.”

Monkey often talks out loud about things that she knows are correct, but still wants confirmation on. I find this to be kind adorable. So I double confirmed her sibling status.

“Yep, that’s right. Only a sister. No brother for you.”

Then she paused, and pondered deeply.

“We’re gonna have to buy one.”

I stopped lotioning and laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Meanwhile she looked at me with a surprised half grin, wondering what she did that I thought was so funny. She was so earnest about it.

I told her that I didn’t think her father would approve of us buying a brother. Then I had to start explaining how God and mommies and daddies make babies. This wasn’t a conversation I thought I would be having so soon.

Monkey’s fascination with having a brother is not new. Last summer she was shocked to find out she didn’t have one.

In fact, I think her interest in having a brother has only ramped up since then. Especially because she sees Bean accomplishing new things and we’ve been talking to her about how Bean’s getting older and isn’t really a “baby” anymore. Whenever the subject comes up, she tells us that we need to get another baby.

Again, not a conversation I was expecting to have with an almost three-year-old.

Then tonight, on the way home from the grocery store, she suddenly and frantically shrieked, “MAMA! WHERE’S MY BROTHER??”

OMG. Again, Husband and I were dying of laughter. As if we forgot him at the store.

Is my brother in there??

It really is kind of sweet though. She is very attached to her sister and very aware of “her family” and wanting all of us to be together. At the dinner table she’ll say, “We’re all here. Mama, Daddy, Bean and me!” Or, last week before church when I was trying to pump her up about going to the children’s church she replied sadly, “But mama, those teachers are not my family. I want to be with my family.”

So I have no doubt that she would love another sibling — very specifically, a brother. When we ask her if she wants another sister or another brother, she always says brother.

And to be perfectly honest, if Husband and I have a third child, we would love for it to be a boy too — mostly because we’re not sure if we would survive the nuclear explosion that most certainly would occur at our house with three teenage girls.

We’ll see. Husband and I won’t be commencing those conversations for awhile yet. Plus, I’m going to want to hear from ALL of my friends who are parents of three to see what it’s really like. Any advance information is greatly appreciated. I’m sure I’ll be hunting all of you down individually when the talk is more serious. 😉

Did your kids ever ask you for another sibling?

El Dia del Amor

I guess I’ve always liked Valentine’s Day. I know a lot of people think it’s just a Hallmark holiday, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a reminder that you should tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. I know, I know, you can do that any day, but do you?

Plus, Valentine’s Day is just a cool holiday for kids. You get to cut out red paper hearts, pass out Valentines and eat chocolate. Who doesn’t like that!?

One of my favorite memories as a kid is actually Valentine’s Day-related. I think I was in second grade when I opened my lunch box to find a box of conversation hearts that my mom had snuck in. I was shocked and so surprised. It meant the world to me, especially because it was so unexpected. My mom has never really been one to buy into these small-ish/commercial holidays — she grew up in a family of 9 kids, so there was no such thing as Valentine’s Day presents or St. Nick. You got what you got on a daily basis and you were lucky to have it.

But she made a special effort to surprise me and that’s why it’s still one of my favorite memories.

I also remember the school librarian reading A Sweetheart for Valentine to us every year. I loved that book. When it was already checked out of the school library I would check it out at the public library so that my mom could read it to us too. I think it made such a big impression on me because the author, Lorna Balian, lived in our town and we would drive by her house a couple of times every week. When I was pregnant with Monkey, I even bought my own copy to read her. It’s so nostalgic to read a book to your child that had significant meaning to you when you were little.

My husband and I have never really done elaborate Valentine’s Day gifts. For us, it’s really more about the thought and effort.

In fact, over the years I’ve repeatedly told him NOT to buy me flowers on Valentine’s Day — especially roses —because they’re so grossly overpriced and everyone’s getting them. I actually like tulips better (did you know the stems continue growing after you cut them?).

This year especially I really didn’t want to spend any money. Our upcoming vacation has basically been our “gift” to one another for every conceivable gift-giving holiday, including Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and our anniversary. Plus, we had a nice date-night dinner out.

My plan was to give him a bag of chocolate, make him some cookies and call it a day. And then last night I got just a tiny bit creative.

I forgot that I had a $2 Amazon MPR credit that had to be used by midnight tonight. Amazon is doing a promotion where you can send your friends or loved ones a song — for free! (well, up to $2). While searching around trying to decide what songs I should download for Husband, I also discovered that Amazon has a free Valentine’s Day playlist. Sweet! I downloaded it, thinking who doesn’t like free music, right? And I actually found a couple of gems. And then, my idea hatched. I made him a Valentine’s Day mixed CD. So high school, right!?? I know. But cute.

I also had been toying with the idea of writing “Happy Valentine’s Day” on the bathroom mirror with some red lipstick, but that just seemed like way too much work to clean up. So I grabbed some of Monkey’s red construction paper and cut out some hearts for my message. Much easier.

I cut out a couple smaller hearts for the girls, taped chocolate hearts on them, and then taped them to the back of their bedroom doors.

It was so funny this morning when Monkey discovered what was on her door.

“MAMA, Look! There’s a balentine on my door!”

While the bathroom message was intended for Husband, I knew that Monkey would get a big kick out of it as well, and she didn’t disappoint.

Upon entering the bathroom she screamed, “MAMA! LOOK! There are balentines on the MIRROR, TOO!!”

Oh man. She was so excited. I wish I had videotaped it. Later she told me, “Mama, those balentines on the mirror are silly. But I still like them.”

So whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day, or if you think it’s just a load of crap, I hope you feel loved today and every day. Oh, and go get some free music!

Do you have any favorite Valentine’s Day memories, either as a kid or an adult?

Birth Control

It was the evening after a snow day. Two snow days, kind of, since the bad weather had started during the afternoon of the previous day. We got about 16 inches of snow combined, and the 30 mph winds had finally died down. I was feeling a little cabin feverish.

So since the roads were passable again, we decided to go out for dinner with some friends and their one-year-old.

I’m sure you’ve all witnessed this scenario. The couple and their young children creating an absolute disaster area, wreaking havoc in a two-table radius, and generally disrupting the surrounding diners’ otherwise pleasurable experience.

And if you didn’t have children you probably looked at your partner and said, “Well I’m in no hurry for that. Let’s double up from now on.”

If you did have children, but happened to be enjoying a rare adults-only night, you probably felt some pity, but mostly relief as you looked at your spouse and said, “Thank God that’s not us.”

Yeah. We were that group.

We walk into the restaurant and Monkey proceeds to take off her hat, gloves, scarf and coat and throw them on the floor. In the middle of a major walkway.

I know we typically only go to Qdoba, and this is BWW, where the floor is carpeted, but seriously, we’re not at home.

Speaking of home, Monkey then proceeds to take the complimentary crayons and paper and sprawl out, belly down, on the floor.

Yes, by all means. Make yourself comfortable. I mean seriously?

Since I was chatting with my friend C and didn’t notice Monkey’s prone position, Husband brought it to my attention by interrupting my conversation. “Can you please tell her to get up?” he said. To which I replied, “Well, why didn’t you tell her to get up?” To which he replied, “I did. Three times.” Our friend J supportively concurred, “He did.”

“Monkey. Get up.”

To which she responded by dutifully and immediately getting up.

I guess I know who wears the pants in my family.

And you would think it would be my one-year-old who would be the one eating the crayons. Nope. That would be my almost-three-year-old who took a bite out of the blue one and then furiously started spitting on the floor.

Awesome.

After which she began running back and forth between her chair and where the babies were sitting next to each other in their high chairs trying to make them laugh and overall just invading their personal space as she is wont to do.

Which then brings us to our actual dining experience. Monkey wouldn’t eat the chicken tenders because they weren’t the size and shape she was accustomed to seeing. Instead, she ate one of the most gigantic kosher dill pickle spears I’ve ever seen in my life. Seriously. It was as big as a small banana.

As she started to reach for another gargantuan pickle spear I bribed her by telling her that if she ate some of my burger she could have another pickle. After polishing off the second pickle like she was in an eating competition, she proclaimed, “I don’t like those pickles. They’re too spicy for me.”

Meanwhile, Bean and the other one-year-old were well on their way to creating a disaster of epic proportions. The floor was littered with pieces of chicken tender, crayons, sippy cups, shredded napkin, crackers, silverware — you name it. I thought Monkey was a serious food litterer when she was Bean’s age, but Bean is like a machine! Successively pitching the food faster than we can get it away from her.

An early-twenty-something couple behind us had front-row seating to our dining catastrophe. They kept offering information about the location of the crayons and the sippy cups and the silverware as C and I ducked under the table to recoup the lost items as if we were in a choreographed routine.

Honestly, I know the couple was trying to be helpful, but I stopped caring and just gave up.

Our friend C made a valiant effort to pick up all the souvenirs on the floor that we were leaving for the wait staff. I opted to leave a big tip.

Apparently Monkey’s three bites of burger, tiny bite of chicken tender and two colossal dill pickle spears weren’t very filling because as we were leaving she said, “But mama, I’m still hungry.” Imagine that.

It was an exhausting dinner.

I blame the cabin fever for their behavior.

So tell me, what’s the worst “birth control” scene you’ve ever witnessed, and what’s the worst you’ve experienced with your own kids?

Adventures in Bathroomland

Me (calling to Monkey in the bathroom): “Monkey? Do you need help?”

Monkey: “I’ll be right out.”

Me: “What were you doing in the bathroom so long?”

Monkey (pauses): “I was cleaning the toilet.”

Me: “Oh.” (pondering this). “What did you clean it with?”

Monkey: “I don’t know.”

Me: “What do you mean you don’t know? What did you use to clean the toilet?”

Monkey: “I just don’t know.”

Me: “Monkey, what did you use to clean the toilet? If you were just cleaning it, what did you use to clean it?”

Monkey: “I just don’t know.”

Me (putting down the head of cauliflower, looking right at her face, and speaking very slowly): “Monkey, WHAT, did you use, to clean the toilet?”

Monkey (stares back at me, says nothing)

Me (rinses hands): “Come with me to the bathroom.”

(We walk into the bathroom. Upon entering I notice a perfumey scent but the toilet looks normal)

Me: “Show me what you used in here to clean the toilet.”

Monkey: “This, mommy.” (pointing to her hair and body wash).

Me: “Mmm.” (pauses, thinking) “And what did you do with it.”

Monkey: “Mommy, I just squirted it on the toilet.”

(I bend down and examine the toilet seat. Upon further inspection I notice that it’s glistening.)

Me: “Uh huh. And then what did you do.”

Monkey: “I just used my hands like this.” (she uses both hands and vigorously rubs them up and down on the toilet seat to demonstrate how she cleaned it)

Me: “Okay, that’s enough. Now we’re really going to clean the toilet. Follow me.”

(We walk into the kitchen where I grab the paper towel and bottle of Fantastik)

Me: “This is the cleaner we use for the toilet. Only grown-ups spray it.”

Monkey: “Okay, mommy. And then I can use the paper towel to wipe it?”

Me: “Sure. And, we only use your shampoo and body wash to clean you. Not the toilet or anything else.”

Monkey: “Okay, mommy. I’ll never, ever, ever do that again.” (walks out of the bathroom and sees her daddy) “Daddy, I’ll never, ever, ever, do that again.”

Maybe when she’s 10 I’ll remind her of how excited she was to clean the bathroom.

Birthday Girl

Happy First Birthday to my Bean!

This year has been an amazing journey, Bean. I can’t believe you’ve only been with us a year, because I can’t remember a time when you weren’t here.

I was so worried for so long about how things were going to go with two kids. How we were going to handle it. What it was going to be like. And then suddenly you arrived, and life was changed completely. Changed for the better.

In this last year you have taught me, even more, to expect the unexpected. To not sweat the small stuff. That these phases, indeed, are short. That it all goes soooo fast. Especially the second time around.

I can’t profess that I know you intimately yet. Sometimes I think you’re still somewhat of a mystery to me, but it’s becoming clearer every day. I think it’s harder for me because I don’t think you wear your emotions on your sleeve like your sister and I do. You seem more like your dad — harder to read, slow to anger but then it takes you awhile to get over it.

We thought you were laid back. Your dad and I have a good laugh about that now. Oh how wrong we were.

You appear fiercely independent. You experienced tremendous initial shyness, and then starting around month 6 until month 10 you suffered terrible bouts of separation anxiety.

Now you’re a flirt. Laughing and giggling and playing peek-a-boo with just about anyone.

This week there was a day when you wouldn’t nap for us. We think it was teething. I got to hold you like I did when you were a newborn. We rocked and you slept with your head on my chest and your legs tucked up underneath you. I cherished it because I know that those times are becoming more and more unlikely with each passing day.

When you were a newborn you liked to raise your eyebrows and show us your wrinkly forehead. You also used to furrow your brow.

You’ve always pushed your bottom jaw forward and stuck your bottom lip out. Your dad says it reminds him of his grandpa K.

You’ve always laughed by sucking air in.

You’ve always liked to make blowing noises with your mouth.

You’re highly amused by your sister and the two of you play well together. You need to know where she is at all times — including when she’s in a time out for pushing you over.

Speaking of your sister, you have much better balance and coordination than she ever did. You surprised us by hitting milestones — like crawling, walking and putting toys through slots — at different times than she did. And your teeth have emerged in a completely different order.

You and your sister look remarkably alike, yet different. You each have your own special characteristics and unique traits.

Your sister says you are her best friend.

She loves you so much.

And so do we.

Thank you for enriching our lives.

Happy Birthday sweet girl.

A Baby Story

It was a Tuesday at my 39+ week appointment when my doctor advised that it might be a good idea to schedule an induction. With Bean’s size expected to be at least 8 pounds, and my amniotic fluid a little low, the doctor though that it might be better for Bean to be born a little sooner rather than a little later.

Oh, and I was already 5 cms dilated and not in labor. Go figure.

As one of my cousins said, “I can’t even believe a woman can be 5 cms dilated and NOT be in labor.” Hey, you and me both.

Especially because at my 39-week appointment with Monkey I was all Fort Knox up there. Not dilated or effaced AT ALL. Not even a little bit. Not even enough to let my doctor strip my membranes. I burst into tears at that appointment.

So it was pretty surprising to be 5 cms dilated and not in labor with Bean.

We scheduled the induction for Friday, February 5, 2010 — one day before my due date — and hoped that she would come on her own.

It was an EXTREMELY weird feeling to have an end date. With Monkey, every day during the last two weeks was spent wondering, “Is today THE day?” To actually know the day was a little unnerving.

I spent the next three days exercising my Type A personality — aka “I know when I’m going to have a baby and I’m going to clean the entire house and do everything I possibly can before she comes.”

If given the opportunity to control a situation, I take it.

I even put over 700 photos in albums. In one night. Yeah, I kind of let that get out of hand. I hadn’t printed photos since Monkey was four months old. WHOOPS!

On February 4, I planned a special day of errands, shopping, and lunch with my good friend A. It was the last day I knew I would have any time at all for myself, much less time out of the house, so I made sure to wear a cute outfit and do my hair and makeup. My friend A remarked, “I can’t believe you’re all dressed up! You look so calm! You’re having a baby tomorrow!”

It was kind of fun to be running very last-minute errands at Babies R Us and Old Navy, having the clerks ask me when I was due and replying, “I’m having the baby tomorrow.” I even played the “I’m having a baby tomorrow” sympathy card and convinced the clerk to honor a coupon that wasn’t valid until the next day. I’m pretty good at convincing people of things. It’s a Type A thing.

Of course I also had to finish folding laundry, fill the car up with gas, shave my legs, put my bag in the car, pack Monkey’s bag, and glance at the labor and delivery info again. I was ready.

That morning we woke up early to find that Monkey had fingerpainted with poop in her bed. Nothin’ like some added stress as you’re rushing around thinking, “OMG I’m going to have a BABY. TODAY!” Ultimately we got off to the hospital on time and made the short drive in mostly nervous anticipation.

My birth experience with Bean was completely different from my experience with Monkey.

With Monkey I went into labor on my own around 2 a.m. and labored at home until 2 p.m. before leaving for the hospital. My contractions slowly gained in intensity and duration over 12 hours. When I was admitted to the hospital I was only 3-4 cms dilated. Monkey was born at 12:30 a.m. the next morning after 1.5 hours of pushing. She was a very average 7 pounds.

Checking into the hospital with Bean, on the other hand, was completely surreal compared to what it was like with Monkey. For one, I wasn’t in labor. I didn’t tell the nurse examining me, “I love you,” after she concluded that I could be admitted.

It was all very polite and punctual, with our suitcase and camera. Like we were tourists checking into a hotel. We strolled up to the labor and delivery floor. No rush, no urgency.

My doctor came in to break my water and then have me walk the halls for three hours. What a waste of time that was. I was sending emails and updating my Facebook status from my Blackberry, telling everyone how surreal it was to be induced.

By the time my three hours was up, I was experiencing infrequent and inconsistent “stop in your tracks and breathe” contractions. I was 6 cms dilated. The nurse hypothesized that she must be in there spread-eagle style. No freaking kidding.

At 12:30 p.m., the nurse administered pitocin. At 12:40 p.m., I was in full-on, angry raging labor and 7 cms dilated. Wowie.

The nurse called for the anesthesiologist right away.

Now here’s the part where I wish I would have done things differently. At the hospital where I delivered Bean, I had the option of receiving a “walking” epidural. I don’t remember the specifics, but apparently the anesthesiologist would administer a first drug that takes some of the edge off but still allows you full use of your legs because they want to encourage you to stay up and moving so that your labor continues to move along.

Well, clearly that was not going to be a problem for me. So the anesthesiologist just administered the full epidural right away. I wish she hadn’t. I wish I would have known how fast it all was going to go. But I didn’t know, and it turned out completely unlike my slow and steady labor with Monkey.

With Monkey, by the time I was ready to push, my epidural was wearing off and I could feel my body telling me exactly what to do. I still had pain relief, but I felt more in control of my body.

With Bean it was not like that at all. Within two hours of receiving the epidural it was time to push. And I couldn’t feel a thing. I wasn’t experiencing what my body wanted me to do. Don’t get me wrong, I had a vague sense to push, but I was pushing all wrong. And I knew it. The whole experience just felt completely out of control. Especially at the point when Bean’s head was out and the doctor was trying to maneuver a shoulder and a nurse jumped up on a stool and starting frantically pushing on my belly to get her out. It was a panic moment for me to be perfectly honest. Thank God they were able to free her shoulder in what probably was seconds, but felt like an eternity. (I’m really sorry if I’m scaring you, my pregnant friends.)

Thank God I only had to push for 15 minutes. I honestly couldn’t have sustained the type of “wrong” pushing I was doing for much longer.

In the end, it turned out there was a good reason Bean got a little stuck. She was 9 lbs 6 ounces. Upon the doctor laying her on my chest, I immediately exclaimed, “Oh my God, SHE’S HUGE.” And that was before I even knew her official weight. I could tell just by looking at her that she was SO BIG. Especially compared to the first time I laid eyes on Monkey — who honestly was a peanut with super skinny legs and arms. But Bean — she was gigantic. She already had big baby rolls on her arms and legs. She looked like a one-month-old.

It was funny, I remember when I held Monkey for the first time I just kept looking at her, thinking that she would look familiar to me. I expected to look at her and think, “I know that face.” But I didn’t feel that at all.

The second time around I thought, “Now this time the baby will look familiar to me because she’ll look like her sister.” But at that moment when I held her for the first time, Bean looked NOTHING like what Monkey looked like as a brand new baby. Again, such a weird feeling to expect to look at this baby and see something familiar, but not. Within just 24 hours though, the girls’ resemblance started to show.

I was much more emotional after Bean’s birth. I wept when the doctor laid her on my chest. My mom was in the room this time. Watching her cry as she watched her brand-new granddaughter look at me for the first time truly was special.

With Monkey, I was elated, but I really didn’t cry. The second time around I think I understood better the significance of the event. I could appreciate the BIRTH of OUR BABY and understand completely the joyous occasion that it was. I knew exactly how our lives were changing for the better.

With Monkey, I had no idea how truly awesome motherhood would be until I was actually experiencing it. It’s one of those things that you can’t fully appreciate, no matter what everyone tells you it will be like, until you’re actually doing it.

My two very best friends were pregnant with me while I was pregnant with Bean — one of them with her first. I teasingly told her that I thought I was more excited than she was. But only in the sense that I already knew the joy that was awaiting her, and I couldn’t wait for her to experience it. It’s just indescribable. There are no words.

If we have another child, I don’t know if I would elect to be induced again. I definitely don’t think I would take the “full” epidural again, given how fast everything went. That aspect of Bean’s birth was honestly quite traumatic for my Husband and me. So much so that shortly after she was born we both looked at each other and said, “I don’t think we’re going to have any more kids.”

Thankfully, I no longer feel that way. But if we have another baby, I know I’ll want to do some things differently.

In the end, it’s all worth it.

364 days ago, it was one day before the birth of my second child. My beloved Bean.